The e-steamed editor of this site was in revelatory mood last week when he stunned the readership by comparing Tri Nations rugby with a one night stand.
Declared the Ed in forthright fashion, “It all just reminded me of a one night stand, fast and furious with plenty of intensity and physicality but when it’s all over you feel just a little bit grubby. “ Faced with the nefarious choice of a one night stand or Tri Nations rugby, most normal males would probably opt for a bit of ruck ‘n’ roll and the one night stand.
Given the abnormal hours some of the games are on at, it would be possible to have the one night stand and take in the game from the Antipodes the next morning if you could stay awake that long. I don’t recall feeling a little grubby after it though I would admit to having the occasional shower, if only to spruce myself up for the following day’s activities.
I agree with the Ed’s analysis of the Tri Nations and echo his lament at the death of the ruck. In its traditional form rucking no longer exists and as the Ed says, unless you give the ball away by knocking on or some such other technical offence then it is virtually impossible to regain possession in pure rucking terms. New Zealand did turn the ball over in this fashion this morning but frustratingly as noted in the Ed’s article on last week’s game, the AB’s got a body or two over top on the blindside of the referee and then stole the ball legitimately. The point being they seem to get away with this where the opposition aren’t.
The games being tailored to match the style of certain teams is the unfortunate conclusion and the AB’s all consuming desire to win a World Cup at all costs is in my opinion impacting on the game to the detriment of other countries and their respective supporters.
In conclusion, the AB’s are a bit like a one night stand, the flames of passion die quickly after the event and as usual it’s the AB’s in peak form now. But then the World Cup is still a year away and the flames of form are unlikely to stay the course. The world cup’s several one night stands away for the AB’s, I confidently predict they’ll not last the pace
FINDING KIMBLE
Following on from a busy season and his writing of the revelatory tome the Revelations from Ravenhill, the Reverent Kimble, chairman of the Ulster Rugby Supporters Club has been unearthly quiet. One imagines he is relaxing on his mini Tea Clipper, the Cutty Kimble, on a North West Latitude, off Ballyholme Bay.
The Reverent Kimble or Kimmy to his friends will no doubt be getting his mind in gear, his shoes on the right foot and his thoughts laundered ahead of a busy season in which he will be expected, to plug leaks, organise barbecues and review nights for the supporters, balance the books, balance himself after a few Guinness and of course have time for recreational supporting with the armed wing of the URSC, the second barrier crew. A busy year ahead for Kimmy then, so no wonder he’s been incommunicado in the off season.
Hang on a minute, that’s my phone ringing, excuse me whilst I answer……..
“Hello?…..hello?….what?…….can’t hear exactly, seems to be waves breaking in the background………Kimble!
Yes…a bit rough…yes…oh!…really…next season?…yeah, yeah…is he really…your kiddin’…sorry!…didn’t get that one…yes, yes…waves breaking over the foredeck…you’ve gotta dash…right, take care…yes, see you in August… Bye!”
Our perennial chairman should be with us again in the new season, assuming the sea doesn’t reclaim him.
MULLER LITE?
Whilst BJ and the Pienaar sojourn down under on behalf of the Springboks, a former Springbok and the first of UR’s marquee signings has made his appearance in Belfast accompanied by the usual downpours, gusting winds and temperamental weather that generally heralds the arrival of sun kissed Boks to the Province. So where we were having warm weather and short trouser climate, it’s all now a dream as big Johann jetted in and the sun departed southwards. In the brief clip I saw of him I was struck by the fact that I couldn’t find his neck even though I could see his head and shoulders. His chest seemed to disappear up into his head, though this aberration appeared not to affect his spoken English which debunked the myth of him speaking Afrikaans only. Muller Lite he is not and we can now look forward to seeing the second charge of the ‘lite’ brigade when Pedrie Wannenberg jets in this week.
SOUTH AFRICAN BOER V SOUTH AUSTRALIAN BOOR
The Boer, known to be independent, resourceful, hard and self-sufficient. Skilled in the use of the boot on the rugby field, they would hunt down their opponents and also were able to protect their teammates.
South Australian Boor, known as an uncultured person, who lacks in social graces on the rugby field. With his skippy impersonations and hand signals poking fun at legends of the game on the same pitch as him, one finds Quade Cooper guilty of being the archetypal boor, Aussie style.
Where others praised his innate rugby skill, I found only horror that impressionable young Aussies might copy his comical goose step prior to running at the opposition. If he’s tackled in this mode, it will cause him to fall on his head with potentially grim consequences. No wonder Niall Ronan and Shane Jennings were transfixed when he ran past them, they were probably laughing too hard to tackle him. As for his cartoon character stance at penalty kicks? Gimme a break, put him in a comic book where he belongs.
The dark side was his hand signals after his try, which appeared to poke fun at O’Driscolls early year’s sign language at try scoring time, a trait he mercifully dropped in double quick time. If Quade Cooper continues this sort of arrogance on the rugby pitch in conjunction with some of his histronics off it, his tenure in the game will be short lived. He is unlikely to ever attain the status of O’Driscoll as one of the game’s modern greats and poking fun at him during a game is unlikely to fuel a rise in status from being one of the games boors. Rugby Boor of the Year. Do you agree?
OPEN THOUGHTS
The Open golf at St. Andrews has raised some uncomfortable and unfortunate thoughts about the participants.
Rory McIlroy – from hero to zero in two days, Rory looks like an overgrown schoolboy and on Friday played like one. He needs a haircut and an image transplant.
Ian Poulter – this man looks like Worzel Gummidge with a golf fashion sponsorship. Yesterday he sported a lemon jumper with a golf shade to match which Happy Gilmore would have rejected as being too ridiculous. As for the trousers which were supposed to match everything, even John Daly looked understated by comparison.
Padraig Harrington – was seen sitting in university graduation garb whilst receiving an honorary degree from St. Andrews University, alongside two of golf’s greats, Tom Watson and Arnold Palmer. Padraig’s two open wins surely paled into insignificance alongside these legends, no wonder he looked a tad uncomfortable.
TDF TAKES LEAF FROM IRB BOOK
Where the IRB have diluted the core skills of the game of rugby union, so the organisers of the Tour De France have sought to nullify the dominance of HTC, the Columbia Pro Cycling Team, in the sprinting category of the race. HTC are an American based team made up mainly of continental cyclists who specialise in winning the bunch sprint finishes that characterise the flat stages of cycling’s Grand Tours. With Britain’s Mark Cavendish as their sprint specialist and finisher of sprint stages the HTC team are the best in the world at organising the train, and dominating the front of the race through increasing the speed at which the peloton travels at towards the finish line.
This year the competition for the Green Jersey and most points through winning sprint finishes has been between the HTC, Garmin and Lampre teams plus specialist Cervelo sprinter Thor Hushovd. The bunched sprint finishes in this year’s tour have become increasingly frenetic and vicious as the Garmin Transitions team in particular has sought to disrupt the HTC team’s build up to the sprint finish. This has involved the other teams lead out men getting in the face of Columbia’s key lead out man Mark Renshaw and has seen him being elbowed and pushed as they have approached the finish at speeds of up to 40mph. Should say elbows and pushing are nothing new in the hurly burly of sprint finishes.
This combative approach reached a new nadir last week when Renshaw was leaned on by fellow antipodeans Julian Deans of the Garmin team. Renshaw reacted by head butting Deans 3 times in the shoulder area as the two bikes came perilously close to colliding at high speed. Having seen his sprinter teammate launch himself to the finishing line, Renshaw looked over his shoulder and drifted left towards the barriers impeding Dean’s teammate Tyler Farrar as he tried to compete in the sprint finish.
With all the pomposity of a French adjudicator condemning Maire Antoinette, the race Commissar declared that after one street level viewing of the videotape, Renshaw had been booted out of the race for behaviour (head butting) that did not belong in the TDF. At first sight this seemed to be a tough sanction but justified.
However when the helicopter shots were viewed it became clear that Renshaw had been leaned on in a dangerous manner by Deans and rather than take his hands of the handlebar at high speed had used his head to shift Deans away from him.
Secondly it became clear that although Renshaw looked left he may not have seen Farrar coming up behind him and had drifted left out of the sprint as most of the lead out men do when their job is done. Beyond that the race organisers had earlier in the week fined two riders a couple of 100 dollars for a punch up at the end of a stage in which one of them threw a wheel at the other.
It is well known that there is ongoing niggle between the two American teams, HTC and Garmin and that this has already spilled over into antagonism in earlier races. The TDF adjudicators have turned a blind eye to this aspect and have instead sought to make the sprints a more open and competitive environment for what they see as the good of the race, thus the extremely heavy handed sanction of expulsion against Renshaw which cannot be appealed. Think Schalk Burger’s lenient eye gouging punishment and the bans handed out later to Attoub and Dupuy for comparison.
Bending the rules and laws to suit a specific agenda of a few influential people may suit your own purposes for now but may well come back to haunt you. A precedent has been set here and a well of ill feeling amongst teams and commentators alike about how Renshaw has been treated in comparison to other riders from other teams is not good for this or any other sport. Inconsistency of judgement clouded by agendas opens the way for real abuses that do nothing to enhance sport. Just as the IRB has made amendments to the law for short term gains without recourse to the long term health of the sport, so cycling has made in my opinion an error judgement clouded by prejudices against some competitors and their teams.
You can follow the Tour on ITV 4’s highlights programme at 7pm each night. Commentators, Messers Liggett & Sherwen are ex tour riders and know their onions from their escallops.
Corrections, comments or questions?