Having attended the URSC AGM in a ‘media’ capacity to report on proceedings for the FRU, I returned home and wrote a rather prosaic article on events but stalled publishing my blog so I could take in the season ticket event last Monday night. As a result I have rebooted my blog and produced a magazine type effort thus:
The Rise of the 3rd Team
The east awakes, am I witnessing the rise of the 3rd team? That is the question I am addressing following my attendance at the URSC’s AGM and the season ticket event where I heard Herr Logler outline his plans to be the best, a surefire cover word for world domination!
Most putsches are born in austere surroundings, like a back street Munich beer hall with a plan for supremacy written on the back of a Bavarian beer mat or a goods train way out on the Steppes. For the rise of the 3rd team it was the lowly auspices of Newforge country club and a stodgy panelled room full of creaks, groans and cranky air conditioning. Herr Logler’s world domination notes were written on the back of a folded A4 sheet nicked from the photocopier at headquarters.
The IT technology failed to fire but the team of Logler, Humpherler and Herr Glocks were undeterred as they addressed a small but determined band of supporters. This was repeated on Monday evening in the slightly plusher surroundings of the 3rd team’s headquarters repleat with soft drinks preamble, press gangs and a slide presentation.
Herr Logler charted the proposed ascent of the 3rd team and outlined how they would be led by the shock troops, a squad of young men featuring wodgey haircuts with names like Jamie and shaven headed blokes with odd looking tattoos called Ryan. They would be supported in the quest for world domination by every man women and child in the province and backed up by the white shirts of the supporters club.
At this point a youngish looking bloke stood up and sang ‘Springtime for Logler and rugby too,’ with everyone joining in the chorus. In outlining his plans Herr Logler indicated that the acceptable face of the 3rd team’s supporters would be on show and that abuse of the ref’s would no longer be acceptable. The shock troops would be told to relax their shoulders in the vicinity of the referee so as not to intimidate him and for European games the 2nd barrier crew would be sent behind the toilets so that the referee wouldn’t be turned against the 3rd team when hearing ‘offside’ chants.
It was the turn of Herr Humphler to address the supporters and in the face of determined questioning he argued that back room staff resources did not need supplementing, citing statistics that proved in his view a minister for defence was unnecessary. Herr Humphler & Herr Glocks took questions from the floor whilst Herr Logler addressed the grand vision of his architect who would turn Ravensspiel into a 15K fortress for you the supporter and with your input, mainly addressing the requirements for more bratwurst vans, beer halls with dining facilities and additional WC’s for the women.
Herr Glocks outlined how the schools would provide the backbone for the senior shock troops though he added darkly that the education system would have to be reformed to allow more rugby coaches in the schools instead of women teachers.
The evening finished with an evangelical rendition of ‘Stand Up for The Ulstermen’ with everyone standing and Shane walking down the line between the assembled supporters saluting wildly. From such humble beginnings springs an unstoppable force…
Well Replied Shine!
On hearing our new Chief Executive’s first name was Shane I immediately recalled a past cricket test match between England and Australia. Shane Warne was bowling and his acerbic Aussie wicket keeper could be heard over a nearby microphone maintaining a commentary on the bowling.
“Well plied Shine,” the keeper could be heard bawling in his somewhat strangled flinty tones and “awwww! bewooooty mite!”. Wednesday week ago at the AGM our Shine had just gotten into his stride on how well ranked Ulster were in Europe when he was bowled a bouncer by the Ancient Mariner.
“We’re 24th ranked,” countered the Mariner as Shine on the receiving end, ducked and weaved before attempting a straight bat on it. Shine later acknowledged he would have to stand up for the Ulstermen and take such variable bowling from the supporters in his stride. He did however repeat the 12th ranked assertion on Monday evening at the season ticket event without so much as an underarm reply.
The Loss of Boss
(Friends of this column?), will recall Gillian’s unrequited affection for Cillian Willis which I documented last year. It’s 2010 and Gillian is mentally preparing for the departure of her beloved I. Boss. It should be made known to all and sundry in the Ulster rugby fraternity that I. Boss has been a great contributor to the much vaunted Newforge Taggers and that his input will be greatly missed on Sunday mornings when he moves on to, no doubt greater things, in D4. For the record Gillian consoled Cillian recently on his broken wing and wished him a speedy recovery, though I understand she did not see fit to autograph the damaged appendage.
RR abandoning the common people?
I see the Raging Raven or Ragin’ Robin as one poster has bravely christened him, has taken to referring to himself in the 3rd person as ‘RR’. BP reckons there could be several explanations for this. For example he may simply wish to save his lone typing finger by shortening his name to two characters. A more sinister explanation may be that RR has decided to rebrand himself as a HM (Her Majesty) or HRH (His Royal Highness) type figure and will henceforth demand to be called Regal Raven, Royal Raven or Righteous Raven. I’m sure the great man will be on here like a shot to post that he has not abandoned the minions who hang on his every acerbic statement and Caldwell condemnation and that his love of the common people remains undiminished. The floor is yours RR!
Blazerama causes flood.
Last week the UAFC board had more leaks than the Titanic after hitting an iceberg. Blazerama was just the latest in a long line of alleged messageboard initiates just busting to say their piece on the state of Ulster Rugby in the wake of Matt ‘(I haven’t gone away you know)’ Williams rant on Setanta about UR’s administrative faults. Blazerama was somewhat more direct than most with allegatory type comments about UR’s blazers, those behind the scenes chaps who take the perks but not the brickbats apparently.
Cecil Watson was the biggest target in B’rama’s sights with an allegation about Cecil that cannot be proved or disproved. Cecil was a prominent figure at Malone when I played with the Cregagh Red Sox and for sure he was not the most popular figure in the club. Whether Cecil is guilty of shafting another committee member on the UR blazer train is another matter altogether and a dangerous accusation to make on the net however anonymous you are. As for Matt Williams on Setanta. I wouldn’t have said it was a rant, probably more of an observation which had a catharitic effect for him after his terminated coaching spell up here.
I hear the sound of breaking glass!
Ulster’s bp win last weekend must have caused a few bottles of Magners to crack up at Magner’s League HQ as the victory reduced the impending showdown with Connaught from hurricane force to the mere whimper category. The broadcasters who had been licking their lips at the thought of showdowns at both ends of the table got their revenge by locating the match on a Friday evening, well before the top of table clashes featuring Munster, the O’s and the other big names in the League. Relief though permeated the season ticket air on Monday night, though McGlocks, ever the pragmatist, declared it wasn’t over yet or words to that effect. Going by that perhaps you should wait till 2 minutes to nine on Friday night to see whether Connaught can rise of the floor and post 100 plus points on Ulster before deciding to purchase your discounted season ticket at the auld house. As one poster on the UAFC pointed out, the way Ulster’s season has gone it’s no wonder he was a pessimist.
What has the URSC ever done for us?
Listening to Chairman Kimble go through the perfunctory business of the URSC Wednesday night week ago, one was reminded of the famous scene from Life of Brian where John Cleese was demanding to know what the Romans had ever done for them. I asked the question to myself at any rate, ‘what has the URSC done for the Ulster supporters?’
Ok they have organised away travel to a few matches. Alright apart from away travel, what else?
Ok they have organised a player of the season award. Alright apart from away travel and a player of the season award, what else?
OK, they have organised an end of season barbecue for the supporters.
Alright apart from away travel, a player of the season award and an end of season barbecue, what else?
OK they have given an Academy play a bursary each year.
Alright apart from away travel, a player of the season award, an end of season barbecue and an Academy player bursary, what else?
They have organised events involving the player’s during the season.
Alright apart from away travel, a player of the season award, an end of season barbecue, an Academy player bursary and events involving the player’s during the season, what else?
Stand Up?
Alright apart from away travel, a player of the season award, an end of season barbecue, an Academy player bursary, events involving the player’s during the season and Stand Up, what else…?
I would admit to having met Chairman Kimble in McDonalds just off a motorway last week and would admit to having discussed such heady issues as the kick off time for next Friday’s Connaught match. I would deny he bought me a double sausage and egg McMuffin meal or even a cup of coffee. I just came up with that list of URSC things they do, off the top of my head!!
As BJ Botha might say, ‘Gimme a break!’
Corrections, comments or questions?