He wondered should he go or should he stay,
The team had only one last game to play,
Thought he’d had a Rush of blood to his head,
The thought of playing for Ulster filled him with dread.
Thought the signing for us was very strong,
Through the thick and thin he’d get along,
Then the love of Ulster died in his eyes.
No hearts were broke in two when he said goodbye.
It’s not the last waltz with youse,
2 more years together with the Blues,
He’s not in love with us,
His last waltz was not forever.
It’s all over now, nothing much’s been said,
No tears or an orchestra playing
His last waltz was not forever.
As predicated on the home page of this site with a very large ‘X’ through his battered visage, X won’t be coming to Belfast. I pretty much agree with all that’s been said about him by the editor Mr. Barnes and to have a love torn Romeo, (as is rumoured), let loose on the bright lights of Belfast would be bad for the team.
Memories of Justin H and how his marital strife off the pitch led to a waning influence on it still burn like a warning beacon on overtime. Mind no official word yet but that does nothing to dim the industry of the internet millies on the UAFC messageboard, where earlier in the week someone managed to dredge up a copy of a player’s contract, thankfully minus any names or salaries.
I noticed there may be a psychological test in addition to the usual physical ones if you are signing for Ulster. The questions might go something like this.
Well Mr. “X, how are your abilities in animal husbandry?”
“Xxxx xxxxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxx”
“Mr. X, thon isn’t the answer we were looking for and you certainly won’t be allowed a stint looking after the Ulster lamb, let alone meeting the wee lamb!”
“X xxxx xx!”
“That’s enough of that Mr. X, you can pack yer bags and go!”
Goodbye X, hello Ruan
With the Rush to the exit by X, the internet millies were still in overdrive because no sooner than the departure of the X-man looked a grim reality in the minds of some Ulster supporters who were losing the will to live, than another door opened and in walked Ruan Pienaar to general all round applause.
As usual there is always someone who just wants to tinker with your nerves and rattle your cattle cart. Lo and behold 4 pages into the UAFC celebrations, Rudolf appeared to spread aspersions on what had first looked to be a done and dusted deal. Quite why the Sharks can claim we shouldn’t be talking to Pienaar while he’s still their player and we can sign another Shark in the same circumstance without a single word of impropriety being uttered is hard to grasp.
Nevertheless pantomime villain Rudolf is claiming no deal, just to burnish the Ulster folks already fragile and nervous disposition. The proxy war of words and nerves appears to have swept over the head of wee lamb as she did her bit for Ruan and Ulster by pronouncing him very, very cute.
Managers to manage the managers!
When Tony Blair was prime minister, he had an understanding with his chancellor Gordon Brown to let Gordon have a go at being PM. It was no way to run a country and so it proved with Brown being something of a disaster leading the country.
I was reminded of this recently as Ulster Rugby’s flirtation with the transfer market staggers along twixt comedy and tragedy, the rumours persist of Mr. Big back in power in some capacity or other and one of the unsuccessful interviewees for the top job now working in a consultancy basis with UR. It’s no way to run a rugby team and smacks of kids let loose with the reins of power inventing new play things for each other.
I work in an environment where there are more managers than things to manage and half them spend their time making up things to do and forms to fill in for the small number of the personnel who actually do any work. Ulster Rugby is beginning to look like that environment where a small number of people are managed by an army of managers who are now monitoring each other in an effort to look useful and justify their existence.
As excuses go!
Justification was stretched to the outer limits of reality following my expose last week of hecklers whose disruptive behaviour was the lowlight of the FRU awards.
First on the scene of his own crime was none other than Dergman who blamed a certain Belgian Monsieur Stella Artois for his rowdy behaviour. For teetotallers this will be an entirely plausible excuse but for everyone else, Dergman’s attempt at camouflage are as plausible as a redcoat hiding in the grass pretending to be a lizard.
John E King soon weighed in with his pithy explanation along the lines of having flash mobbing in his memory which made him think of Sadie when his memory was jogged by a certain award. JEK has changed his alibi and is blaming Dergman for making him open his mouth. Ha, ha, ha, imagine those pair in the police station.
“It washn’t me orificer, it wuz ‘im made me steal the ball.”
“A right couple of jokers we have ‘ere Sarge!!”
“Right lock them up with a copy of Ballpark’s last blog, that’ll make them change their tune.”
“Are you sure sarge, we may have put them on suicide watch after that!”
Shark sightings of the coast of Ravenhill
As more reports filter in of Sharks coming to Ulster, Ravenhill is preparing for their arrival with a big Shark tank being built up at Newforge and shark cages round the perimeter of the pitch being drafted into the latest design drawings for the next 3 phases of the Ravenhill development. When asked about the imminent arrival of the Sharks the Ulster Rugby spokesperson was suitably cagey.
“Er yes we can confirm there’s one here at the minute, well it’s gone back to south Africa for a bit of a break actually,” when asked if the inquisitor could have a wee look.
“What does it look like? Oh, its about 5’ 10” long and weighs about 95kg and sports a distinctive white and black stripe round its head,” recalled a slightly bemused spokesperson.
“Are there any more sharks coming and are they all the same speices as the one already here?” asked the young lad.
“Em yes, they are a different species, one is long and thin and quite heavy whilst the other is small and thin and lighter than the one already here.”
“When will we be allowed to see these sharks then?”
“Oh about mid August,” replied the by now enthusiastic UR spokesperson, “could I interest you in a season ticket then, there’s the platinum…..”
“What !!!!!!”
Shark tossed about like a penguin!
In a compilation of Schalk Burger’s greatest hits in Super 14, during the warm up to the Super 14 Final yesterday on SKY, there was a little black and white shark that looked more like a penguin being tossed about by a killer whale.
This turned out to be Ulster’s latest reputed signing Ruan Pienaar being taken to the cleaners by Schalk Burger and was a recurring image in the compilation and one that will make Ruan somewhat rueful. It definitely wasn’t the scrum half’s finest few seconds of glory and Ulster supporters will hope that Ulster’s back row, with or without X, offer Ruan much, much more protection than the Sharks back row did during Super 14.
Meanwhile over on Munsterfans, Ruan’s status as a world class player was being hotly disputed by the usual Munsterfans wind up merchants. I’m none the wiser on this particularly technical debate which is all in the mind really and belongs to the realms of perception and the subjective rather than objective.
Suffice to say he is a quality player and if all negotiations are sorted, dusted down and sealed then we can expect to see quality on the pitch in any number of positions next season.
Socks speculation sorted
As I type the Baa Baa’s with X playing at no.8 have confirmed the view that the socks will tell the tale of the tape and reveal where X is headed next season. Well I can confirm the socks are definitely a shade of Cardiff Blue like his colleagues Martyn & Casey. Meanwhile back at the UAFC they were as ever under selling themselves with the revelation that The Belfast Telegraph’s rugby correspondent in his quieter moments, often used the rumours section of the site for inspiration and ‘quelle surprise, exclusives! eek!
That’s it folks, it’s just left for me to wish you all a jolly decent off season though I will be keeping you posted with further exclusives of my own, from the crazy world of Ulcer Rugby, which makes Twin Peaks look normal.
Corrections, comments or questions?