Still Winning, Still Tweeting!

Still winning so I’m still tweeting – here is my tweeter account of the Viadana game fore an’ aft.

• Arrive ten minutes too early to pick up Ron the Spark who is metaphorically caught with his pants down
• Long black cloud follows us as we walk from Ladas Drive to the ground.
• NZ is land of long white cloud; conversely we are euphemistically land of long and very deep black cloud.
• Cloud refuses to divest its contents and we reach sanctuary of deserted beer tent.
• Prices rock steady, the £3 pint is here to stay.
• Spot Viadana team, all tan and designer kit entering the hallowed ground wheeling little kit bag trolleys.
• Their style adds to the substance of their game as promoted by the UAFC acolytes.
• Grousebeaters arrive and divulge they are transferring to the Scoop from next game.
• This news makes me feel as though abandoned in the outback without water.
• Conversation turns to Bloodgate.
• Informants and super grasses normally just ask for money, unusually Williams sets new precedent by asking for his mortgage to be paid.
• Whatever next? Dean Richards gets 3 years free subscription to the Sunday Times Sports section after signing on for benefits
• Understand Deano was a policeman once upon time and wonder if they’ll open his old casebook for signs of fake blood.
• Mention BJ is uncharitable about our weather and wonder is he here to play rugby or study meteorology.
• Begin long shuffle to Promenade and find suitable nesting spot.
• No sign of Dewi twittering, but spot last week’s chaperones to Mars Bar standing with just themselves for company.
• Match begins at pace but Viadana off it and are 10 down shortly thereafter.
• Viadana’s defence looks all over the shop and our backs, in particular, break the gainline with ease.
• Not good game from Viadana’s point of view as they represent Italian interest in the Magners next season.
• Ulster continue to break gain line with ease, a sign the tackling is not what it should be.
• Good to see Ulster stick to task and pile on points despite the opposition’s weakness. 
• Plenty of tries to enjoy but NOC’s kicking for the 2 pointers causes concern.
• Ron the Spark threatens to kick for him, I know it’s bad when that happens.
• All in all a good night’s work as Ulster stuck to the game plan and did not start to showboat, a professional performance.
• Loved Cillian Willis’s attitude and quick ball away from rucks.
• McCrea looked good in the centre.
• Forwards clearly playing with renewed purpose and ‘Buzz’!!!
• As I type, Ulster have beaten Worcester handily at Sixways.
• Wusser boss Ruddock pleads Fifth Amendment, infringements by Ulster whilst try scoring and raft of substitutions in 2^nd half. 
• Touch of reverse déjà vu as he sounded like previous years Ulster coaches.
• Result should not be treated like our result away to Munster but nevertheless encouraging, we are mentoring a winning mentality.
• Looking forward to new season with increased optimism but injuries and not kicking our 3 pointers could be our undoing.
• Finally: The Guardian film review lists the top five cheap and easy tricks for budding horror movie film make.
• This could read as Deano’s top five cheap and easy tricks for budding coaches wishing to make substitutions:

Bloody fake arm

Fake intestines ( with semi-digested filling)

Bleeding embedded knife

Torso trauma

Blood spurt from mouth – of this its says, “ bite bags are easy to make.

Rest clingfilm over egg cup.  Carefully fill with fake blood…

• E-mail me for more information on this if you require it for your Saturday afternoon League match……If you’ll pay my mortage that is!
• The Currie Cup hots up:  Boiling matches this afternoon with BJ I’m sure displeased that his team, the Sharks, failed to bite at home.
• Great competition this when the internationals are away, it evens up the teams.
• The Lions (not the B&I ones) had a great win against the Bulls with sterling rugby being played by both sides.
• This is old fashioned rugby as it should be with youngsters on show and plenty of spice added in.
• Even the cheerleaders are sponsored!!!

As BJ Botha might say, “precipitation high, low pressure moving in from the Atlantic, winds gusting to 250kph….gimme a break!”   Chat soon.