I only Tweet when we are winning

With twittering all the rage on FRU at the moment here is my tweet on last night’s game starting as I made my way to the hallowed ground at 5.50p.m..

• Long black cloud catches up with me in Ravenhill Avenue and it lashes.
• Too early for opening time so shelter under tree as thunder rumbles overhead.
• Can see Ravenhill turnstiles from where I’m standing…
• Ponder why turnstile wall is low and can see a domesticated house behind it.
• UR should put castellated stone coping along top to give pseudo fortress look and hide their house like HQ.
• May look too forbidding and uninviting and given last year’s results may give impression it’s to stop the punters leaving early!
• Gates are open, I walk in?
• Plus ca change?
• Great, beer tent is still there with line of expectant girls waiting to serve.
• Ask to check price list and then scraped of floor.
• Grate, UR beer up this season like a litre of diesel last year!!
• Encounter expectant UR master race selling UR master card.
• Tell her Mrs BP handles all card transactions in teeth of hard sell, so turn deaf.
• Beer tent empty, so retire to look at new stand due for completion late September.
• Have just handed over project to client earlier in day as part of my work.
• Seemed 50% of project was completed in last week of 14 week programme.
• Encountered much on site in-fighting as workspace was at premium.
• Suspect new Ravenhill stand will encounter much contractor in-fighting as electricians vie to fit light bulbs above carpet fitter who has already threatened to knife the decorator.
• Suspect plenty of snags to be fixed not the least letting of premium rate seats.
• Spot the Ancient Mariner staring at new stand and try to get inside his mind but no sign of trapdoor on side of his head.
• Get chatting to stern looking event sec steward.
• Immediately struck down by Small World Syndrome as ES man knows some former rugby colleagues.
• SWS is as epidemic as swine flu but has been in existence since the year dot and is peculiar to Norn Iron.
• Spot Grousebeater buying a round so run up and join him in time for a pint.
• Tell Grousebeaters I have been commissioned to paint a portrait of Jim Reeves.
• Grousebeaters innocently ask is he sitting for portrait.
• Demur briefly. Reveal I am using photo as JR has been dead at least 20 years.
• Head for promenade and take up position whilst exchanging glances with balloteer organiser extraordinaire, Kimble.
• Sacre bleu!, Kimble has no flags, Dewi is right, the regeneration is incomplete.
• Suddenly find Dewi standing right next to me and I’m honoured, so play shy.
• Enquire of his older companion if he knows Dewi well and I’m told it’s Dewi’s Da!
• That’s first faux pas of the season as match gets underway!
• Watch Dewi twittering and realise it involves much craning of neck to see match followed by extreme lowering of head to twitter.
• Suggest Dewi gets laptop and joins Mulligan in stand. Suggestion rejected.
• Falcons own the ball as Ulster fail to deal with pick and drive.
• Ulster disown the ball a lot and kick it away, not bothering to follow up.
• Wonder distractedly what has changed since last season.
• Recall earlier in day conversation about UR worldwide recruitment searches repeatedly ending in Ballynahinch.
• Signing on in the breau there stops when UR job vacancies come up.
• Wonder if the ghost of Mark McCall is present as Ulster play rugby lite, 3 phase forward ball before shipping to backs.
• Realise it may be hand of Doaky at work as he mouths away at players during breaks in play.
• Newcastle score but from thereon things improve as Ulster dominate Falcons.
• Play a bit disjointed but nevertheless Ulster take it seriously by taking their penalty kicks.
• Sporadic periods of Falcons pressure dealt with by confident Ulster.
• More pleasing look to second half as Ulster move ball quickly and stop kicking it away.
• Still wonder, what if teams decide to slow Ulster up at rucks, will it negate their quick phase game.
• Pleased to see them wanting to win the match rather than bring on rafts of replacements as it’s hard to bate a winning mentality.
• Unlike Newcastle who claim on their website that they turned down a host of penalties in favour of set piece practice.
• Doesn’t invalidate Ulster’s win anymore than in previous seasons when we brought on a host of subs and lost.
• Game over and daughter’s taxi heads in direction of Bot so rely on ole faithful to get me home.
• Overall pleased, but worry that rugby lite will see us found out when the groundhogs get in amongst our rucks to slow the ball down.
• Worrying to hear Doaky is as foul mouthed as ever at the dugout, he needs taught manners.
• Will tweet again after Viadana, assuming we win!
• Tweet soon as BJ Botha might say.