SNOW PATROL.

I answered Ulster’s call and presented myself for duty at Ravenhill on Saturday morning at about 9.20. The Supreme leader of the Ulster supporters club, Chairman Kim, was already pottering about with his loyal subjects, clad in little furry rimmed boots, a flying jacket and a Perpignan bandanna tucked in like a serviette.

Pulling off them covers with a few inches of snow on them is not as easy as it looked from the direction of the beer tent, when I first observed this operation. After a few lung bursting runs I idly wondered why UR didn’t hire a couple of front row union members for this physically demanding task.

Alternating been cover pulling, cover tucking in and a stint at shovelling, the snow was cleared from the pitch. Interestingly enough one of the tractors used for towing trailer loads of snow away was a Dublin registered vehicle and I idly wondered how it had got here. Silly me of course, it’s property of the IRFU.

There were about 20 plus folk down clearing snow on the Saturday, including one unfortunate fellow who travelled all the way from Portrush only to find the job done just as he arrived. An honourable mention in dispatches for that chap.

The call to arms went out again on Tuesday morning from UR but by that time most of Saturday’s volunteer’s arms were probably still humming from the effort put in at the weekend.

As I type the covers are on and the heaters are pumping out the hot air designed to thaw the pitch and make the game happen.

He may be out injured but he’s making his presence felt all the same. Rory Best contributed to game preparation despite his injury by donating straw from his farm for the stricken pitch.

I’m tentatively looking forward to this game and hope UR’s and its hardy band of volunteer’s efforts are not in vain. Having read the Ed/Rambler’s views on the snow patrol I will offer my own assessment of UR’s effort.

Or rather as Kimble remarked, ‘the volunteer’s are doing this for the love of the club’. There resides my view of why I volunteered to clear snow. I was asked, not what UR can do for me but what I could do for UR. Free of charge of course. Therein lies a small truth. We are a smallish club and helping out in this fashion creates a sense of togetherness that really has been missing for a few seasons now.

By contrast some of the views offered on the UAFC messageboard by a small minority of posters are either plain mink or the stuff of dung. Views such as they should have thought about the sun not defrosting the pitch when they designed the new stand are plain odd to say the least.

How about we move the sun around to suit the new stand but Shane didn’t think of that and deary me it’s all his fault. Whatever about the speed UR reacted to the bad weather, there is no doubt they have approached covering their ass with respect to the ERC in exemplary fashion.

It’s stuff straight out of the Civil Service playbook and UR are to be applauded for making sure the ERC are aware of their efforts to play the game. It now looks like the match will proceed as planned. I can’t wait.

A CHRISTMAS CAROL

Sadly UR’s Christmas Carol service fell victim to the vicissitudes of the snow. I had been looking forward to hearing BJ and company singing, Good King Ferris, While Marshy Watched the Scrum by Night and O Scrum All ye faithful. It was not to be and Ii had to settle for silent night.

More roubles to Ulster Rugby for organising this in the new stand and getting the Aquinas school choir to drown out the less dulcet tones of some squad members.

TUT! TUT!

Tut, tut to those Tweeting Ulster twits who were tweeting from their cars during the week. Bad practice there fellas and setting a poor example to the more impressionable Ulster supporters.

The latest from the Ulster squad tweets features the long running soap between Paul ‘T-Rex arms’ Marshall, known as Marshy and Niall ‘steady’ O’Connor known as Steady. Last week we reported on the unkind Steady labelling Marshy’s arms as T-Rex like with Marshy responding that steady was a tad deep for him to pass to.

This week Steady was having a love in with sunshine superman Ruan Pienaar on the practice field at Newforge, only for Marshy to rudely interrupt and disrupt the mutual admiration show.

Meanwhile BJ Botha ploughed his own furrow in the snow, claiming a man’s best friend was his very own steaming cup of coffee mounted on the dashboard of his car. One could anticipate BJ’s screen de-mister working overtime to clear his windscreen as steam from the coffee met ice cold glass.

BJ was also at a loss when his screen de-icer froze as he posted photos of his car on board computer showing conditions at a heady minus six!.

Robbie Diack was determined to show the world he’d lost none of his determination to operate a braai despite the cold weather. A picture of an umbrella wedged between a fence and the side of house sheltering a small barbecue was proof, if proof were needed of the Robbie’s madness.

LOST IN FOG

The weekend started on Friday night with a glass of cider or two, a match at Parc Y and a draw for Leinster. Once again appalling touch judges showed just why the Magners needs to sort out its credibility in this department.

Nigel Owens was refereeing and looked as though he had been dragged from a pub crawl to carry out the reffing duties. His signal for a penalty kick is not the usual straight finger pointed to the sky routine but more a limp wristed waggle of a finger in the direction of the posts.

As Ulster and Connaught’s games were called off it was left to Munster at Thomond to uphold Irish Provinces honour in the Magners and win against the Cardiff Blues. A fog descended upon this game both tactically and at the end literally.

At one stage the entire TV screen went a light shade of grey and it was only when the camera was at pitch level that my concern that the TV had lost its colour mode was alleviated by the sight of tanned legs and coloured socks sticking out of the grey mist. Thankfully the fog descending ended what was a fairly dire game.

GHOSTS IN THE MACHINE

Entry to the FRU site these days is through a Christmas portal featuring some very festive Christmas chaps in Ulster garb and wearing funny Christmas hats. It’s all cheese and smile except for one man who maintains a grimace and a steady glare at the camera as though someone has stolen his Stella Artois.

He stands closest to the camera dominating the picture as if wondering what he is doing loitering with this crowd of festive ragamuffins. Step forward Monsieur Stella Artois, this year’s FRU ghost of Christmas past… ladies and gentlemen DERGMAN!!!!!