Yes, we’re back for one night only, with yet another Scoop – if its going on we’ll catch up eventually
It seems, from all reasonable appearance, that the URSC, otherwise known as the political wing of the Second Barrier Crew, has in a surprise late night move disassociated itself from Ulster Rugby.
In what appears to be a blatant attempt to thwart Shane “the Dominator” Logan’s plans for world hegemony the URSC has announced a unilateral declaration of independence and set up on its own. Worse still, it appears it has now dropped the UK altogether from its web address.
One well known Prom Sandwich from Larne, (now there’s a contradiction in terms), remarked; “Sure they are so totally confused over there on the terraces on match nights that its like the United Nations. There are more South African Flags than you could shake a stick at, and half of them think they are living in the Orange Free State!”
Asked to comment, Jim Neilly, BBC Sports Correspondent and Ulster’s biggest fan, well known for his disdain for flags, silly chants and otherwise joyful behaviour gushed, (in one breath); “It is well known that I have a great disdain for flags, silly chants and over the top reaction to unexpected Ulster Rugby success – you would never hear me getting excited about thirty men kicking a pig’s bladder around a field – people like this thrive on publicity – that is why the BBC has specifically banned the broadcasting of their flag draped demonstrations; why, looking at the terrace in recent weeks, anyone would think we’re in the back streets of Ballymacarrat.”
Asked why the Beeb had briefly shown the Springbok’s banner ‘Staan op vir die Ulstermanne’, at half time in the Ospreys game, a spokesman confessed that they thought it was an old Ulster Scots greeting and had simply afforded it parity of esteem. “We won’t make that mistake again. From now on we will concentrate on that lovely brunette who serves crepes in the Alec Adoo’s car park”, he drooled.
So…will the fledgling statelet survive to Match Night Three, or will the Fit Controller remove diplomatic immunity and evict this mad cabal from the back room of the beer tent? And will Mr Terry ‘Kukri’ Jackson ask for his black shirts back?
But what many are now asking is, ‘Why has the URSC chosen Columbia as its flag of convenience?’ Is there more than meets the eye (or nose for that matter) in the white lines on the pitch at Ravinghill? Perhaps it is more than a red and gold bandana that has gone to the head of the original one. Never mind the bootleg stout; is it now a case of ‘Pass the crack, Jack’?
This report was filed by our syndicated crime reporter in Bogotá … may he rest in peace.
Corrections, comments or questions?