ADVERTS

ADVERTS

Ulster Rugby are making dramatic changes to the Memorial End of Ravers in order to enhance the “Match Day Experience” for those supporters for whom the rugby just isn’t enough.

Tented villages serving gourmet food and vintage wines will be on offer together with live theatre shows, live local bands and a Vuvuzela Theme Park in an attempt to increase the footfall through the turnstyles.

However in these tough economic times someone has to pay for the development work and The FRU has found out from our inside contact that it’s you, Mr Joe Average, the beer swilling Ulster fan, that’s going to be expected to fork out with three crippling blows from the hands of “World Dominator” Shane Logan.

Biff – £1.00 levy will now be charged to approach the serving area of the bar in the beer tent.

Bash – £1.00 levy will be charged to use cardboard carrying trays.

Bosh – £1.00 transfer charge to take drink from the Tented Village onto the Terrace.

When questioned by The FRU, Shane “The Dominator” Logan was convinced that there were sound economic and environmental principles behind each levy and the charges themselves will actually enhance the “Match Day Experience”.

“The charge at the bar will free up the serving area meaning that you are served a lot quicker. In out and away!

The charge on the carrying tray means that they are more likely to be re-used thus reducing the unsightly appearance of litter and reducing the danger of slips and trips from discarded trays.

The transfer charge to take your drinks onto the Terrace means that a lot of the annoying drunks like Holywood Mike, Cap’n Drunkey and the rest of the 2nd Barrier Crew will stay in the Tented Village area increasing their spend and, more importantly, they will not be in a position to annoy the real supporters on the terrace.

Ka-pow!”

And with that “The Dominator” flicked his cape and was away!

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2 Comments

  1. Stay at home and see it all for free on the BBC. Shane will drag Ulster down. Ask his men from the Falklands! Who are they Shane? I’ve a feeling they don’t exist, eh Shane?

  2. Difficult 2 no whether this will catch on, but the incentives r there if the 2BC stay in the beer tent, it might b worth forking out an extra quid!!