The Ulster Lamb!

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FRU the pint glass!

As the taste of pints lingers on the palette, not to mention the sweet smell of turkey and ham in gravy this fine Sunday morning, I have enough time to dwell on the end of season social swirl that no self respecting rugby tosser like me should miss.

The blue riband event and one for the bow ties, inductions and media photo shoots took place on Thursday night at the Ramada, (I think). Where despite my predictions to the contrary, Chris Henry scooped the major awards like a pelican scooping fish and accumulated a sack of silverware in the process.

Jack Kyle was inducted into the newly created Hall of Fame and is as fine an initiate as you could hope for to this most auspicious of institutions.

For those not connected in the manner of Chairman Kimble of the URSC, it was the alternative awards night on Friday to which we were invariably drawn.

Ably hosted, organised, compered and funded by the FRU’s owner, raconteur Dewi Barnes, this was the event to be seen at. Without a bow tie in sight and stripey shirts banned for this year by Mr. Barnes there were a preponderance of stripey shirts and not a bow tie in sight.

The zelig of the rugby social circuit, Mr. Kimble was in attendance with the trusty Secretary of the URSC Mr. Bill. Amiably quaffing wine and filled with the joys of a new era of perestroika in relations twixt supporters and that bastion of professional sport in Ulster, Ulster Rugby, Mr. Kimble could be seen ruminating in the best social rugby fashion.

The FRU event was this year held in the lofty confines of the 12th floor Penthouse suite in the Europa, replete with candelabra, manicured tables, fine silverware and the omnipresent bar. FRU stalwarts were represented by HRH RR (that’s Ragin’ Raven, looking rather benign for the night!”), Glynn Commando, (with his underpants on, so he told us!), ole Flat Top, (dressed over the top compared to the rest of us), Dergman, (replete with heckling voice and gasp, stripey shirt!) and John E King, wearing a checkered shirt. (That’s one with vertical and horizontal stripes.) Indeed Mr. Barnes edict that no stripey shirts were to be worn would seemed to have been conspicuously ignored, not the least by himself when close inspection revealed a fine line running top to bottom at approximately 30mm centres on his upper body attire. Proceedings got underway at the bar as you would expect with the bar staff working overtime to keep supply lines running like a well oiled operation Barbarossa. The players were represented by second row duo, messers Tuohy and Mr. Ed. who later justifiably received an award for his services to Ulster Rugby, these last two seasons and a salutary round of applause.

Following an excellent dinner we were joined in the latter stages of dessert by members of the Pigdog crew who appeared to have taxied in from the salubrious realms of Shandon Park golf course. Finally the man (Dewi) stepped right up to the microphone. Well alright, he used his very own voice to announce the opening of the awards presentation. The awards gathered momentum with Andrew Trimble winning the premier player of the season award to Lanzarote for a week, despite it would seem some punters voting early and often in best Norn Iron election tradition. The ceremony was constantly interrupted by heckling from a neighbouring table which caused compere Mr. Barnes to frequently break mid stride and issue a riposte. The culprits were out of sight to me but sounded suspiciously like Dergman and John E king. (Who let them in?).

Indeed Dergman won an auspicious award for finishing so far down the Predictions League, there was speculation he had never participated in the first instance. Mr. Barnes will be updating the site later with the full list of winners and the odd loser. Of note was the worn track in the carpet from Stately Home’s seat up to the stage as he had to rouse himself several times to collect awards and seemed to be never off the winner’s podium. The evergreen Mr. Rab Irwin, Heineken Cup winning prop, received an evergreen award and here I somewhat tarnished my reputation as a know all by failing to recognise said Mr. Irwin, eliciting much derision from Messers Kimble and Bill. Alright, time will not age them and all that, but folk do grow older by a natural process called aging. It happens to the best of us. The evening ended with some social chat and a round of drinks before taking leave of what was an enjoyable event, well organised by the FRU and Mr. Barnes.

In the course of the evening there was much chit chat, some of which will obviously remain sacrosanct, twixt me and my interlocutor. Some conversations and nuggets of information can enter the public domain and I was not surprised to find Dergman is a fan of professional cycle racing like myself though he actually pedals a two wheeler unlike me. In fact if I picked him up right, I understand he plans to pedal some 200km round the Wicklow Mountains. I have cycled these particular hills though I had a 400cc engine under my seat, (Honda 4 for aficos), which made ascending the slopes rather easier than Dergman will find it. I will wish him well and hope he returns safely and in good mental and physical shape.

A rather large Pigdog prop was seated beside me for the latter part of the meal consuming some extra profiteroles that were proffered him. I apologise for not getting his name but he gave me something of a snapshot of rugby in Nova Scotia and Canada in general. It is heartening to hear the game has some roots in the schools there so hopefully from such small seeds there’ll grow a rugby nation in a few years time. There was just time to say goodbye to Mr. Ed and wish him well in his future career at Leinster. He was as ever magnanimity personified about it and I promised to keep an eye on his game in D4. I’ve no doubt he’ll prosper there as will our other exile I. Boss.

Kimbles social tour of the rugby bright lights comes to earth!

Saturday dawned, bright, warm and sunny. The extra warmth generated over these last few days can be almost solely attributed to that arbiter of weather, BJ Botha departing the country. No sooner had his plane soared into the ash laden skies than the clouds cleared, temperatures soared and I have no doubt Durban will degenerate into a stormy windy wet mess on his arrival, The supporters club barbecue was the last lap in the rugby social weekend and did not disappoint. With blue skies, humidity, a green sward out the window of Newforge and an accompanying crack of leather on willow it was time to sample the earthier delights of sausage, chicken and burger. We found a seat beside the wee lamb Goody, as opposed to the Ulster lamb found elsewhere in this blog. The part time owner of the Ulster lamb duly appeared in the company of messers Trimble, Tuohy, Henry and Best though I failed to spot Court who was scheduled to appear. I wrote in my last blog he was the invisible man of Irish rugby but this is ridiculous. TC is not known to like the sun, unlike yer average and cliché Aussie and may have preferred the shade of his veranda.

Being a founder member of FOD’s (That’s fans of Dan as opposed to FOE’s Fans of Ed’s) I thought I should make acquaintance and spent a good few minutes finding out what makes Dan Tuohy tick. With my searching questions I failed miserably to generate any deep resonating nuances in the physiological make–up of the man, but suffice to say he is keen to make acquaintance of the supporters and has time for them. I reminded him that a year ago he was playing for Exeter and in the short space of time since, he now finds himself on the verge of an Ireland cap. A meteoric rise and goes some way to disproving there is an anti Ulster bias in the Ireland management.

Isaac was minus the Ulster lamb but was as effervescent as ever, wearing a big smile, signing autographs, being good with the kids and hiding the disappointment of his departure from Ulster very well. He will be missed and it was a pity a presentation couldn’t have been made on behalf of the supporters to him as he has given us much to celebrate over the years he’s been here. Trimble was informed that he’d won the FRU player of the Year and was suitably impressed, if a little sceptical about the attempt to deny him his week in the sun of Lanzarote.

Holywood Mike made it to the event despite earlier doomed appeals for a lift and he was sunning himself, stripped to the torso. Thankfully Newforge is a secluded place and the neighbours weren’t treated for shock at the sight of Mke’s bare chest. In all 90 souls made it to the BBQ, no doubt encouraged by the sunny weather and at £5 a head, enticed by the low cost of the afternoon. I understand the URSC suffered a bit of a hit here but as I said yesterday, sometimes short term pain can have long term gain. I’m sure the ones that made it to the event weren’t disappointed and will have noted the URSC’s effort.

Chairman Kimble was by yesterday visibly flagging at the hectic pace of socialising having covered a marathon 3 rugby social calendar events in 3 days. Secretary Bill was still smiling and commandeered Dan ‘the man’ Tuohy to pluck the little numbers from the plastic bag for the draw. Wee lamb won a Brian O’Driscoll shirt and was suitably cheered up whilst the rest of our party went home empty handed, partly because I refused to participate in the ballot after last year’s fiasco.

A number of issues made themselves known by dint of repetition this year. They are not connected with anything the players have said I should make clear and indeed the players have been the soul of discretion, which is how it should be. Most talked about subject amongst supporters is Shane Logan and his appointment as CEO. Supporters I’ve talked to expressed their reservations about Shane’s ability and the fact his interview/CV wasn’t all it maybe was made out to be. For my part, I like the way he talks, it’s a positive if somewhat aspirational take on Ulster but after the last few years of negativity from MR re finances and various other issues it’s a welcome change. Whether the end result is much as the CEO forecasts is quite another matter. For my money, wodgey as it is, we are headed up the way, We cannot get much lower of course but the little things that make or break have been identified by the support and hopefully the coaching staff.

For me MR outstayed his welcome and in the end increased the staff resources whilst maintaining a demagogic grip on decision making which ultimately ensured he had no one else to blame except himself because he was king of all he surveyed. I count myself as someone who ‘knew’ MR in the loosest sense of the word and I wouldn’t for one moment wish to dish the dirt on someone who took Ulster Rugby on to a new level. I was surprised at some of the things said about his behaviour. Ultimately if you disenfranchise the supporters you have lost control of the show. MR lost control around the time he let McCall stay on 6 months longer than he should have. That is my opinion but one based I hope, on a reasonable assessment of UR from a supporter point of view. What Shane has done for my money is to raise morale whilst it is important to listen to nuances of what he says and realise that he is limited in what he can actually realise given the task he inherited. For now he will be judged on his ability to make changes and introduce new mood music amongst the support. For now he is succeeding in my opinion with positive signs including the proposed stadium redevelopment which will ensure the close rapport twixt spectator and player will be maintained with terracing all around the pitch.

The Ulster Lamb

There is a renewed twist in the tale of Isaac’s little lamb which you will remember from last week was being cosseted in Hugo’s back garden surrounded by railway sleepers. I am reliably informed, the lamb is in fact the Ulster Lamb and is doing the rounds of the Ulster player’s back gardens. The wee mutton is currently, I understand, residing in our no. 10’s back pastures, (that’s the no.10 with the flair!). What is not clear is if the wee lamb is being groomed as next year’s mascot and if it is, does this spell the end of the trail for Sparky. One does not anticipate a joint mascot as it would be a blow to a bear’s manhood to be seen leading a wee lamb round the pitch or vice versa.

Isaac who was originally thought to be keeping the lamb on a more permanent basis has emphatically denied he was fattening it up to be eaten with his last supper in an Ulster shirt. Indeed it is believed Isaac may have been tending the wee things injuries before passing it to his Ulster colleagues. It is heartening to see the Ulster players taking on this caring project though one wonders how some of them will manage to keep the lamb corralled given their apparent lack of defensive capability. One sidestep and the wee baa baa will be past them and out down the road to freedom.

All tweetness and light on freedom road

Freedom Road made a brief appearance as I recall it on twitter with a picture posted looking remarkably like a section of dual carriageway somewhere near Ballymoney and the accompanying blurb jubilantly claiming this was freedom! I believe it was ‘desperate’ Dan Touhy’s twitter I saw that little gem on, whilst I was browsing my way through the thoughts of chairman Botha. BJ has been laundering his thoughts in squeaky white fashion through the auspices of his twitter and I was heartened by the off pitch leadership he is showing.

Andrew Trimble tweeted to say it was an emotional day he was having, what with Ed, Tim and Issac all leaving. So that’s the golf cancelled BJ tweeted back. If BJ can transfer this kind of hard edged leadership on to the pitch next year then we will not have to worry whether Xavier bothers to turn up or not. One can imagine a player’s huddle on the pitch and Trimble claiming it was an emotional moment, having just dropped the ball. That’s extra buttermilk with your museli tomorrow morning then, responds BJ. In between post season wind downs and wind ups, the players have taken to the golf courses with Marshall giving Trimble a bit of a thrashing in the Castlereagh Hills. All over after 9 holes tweeted a clearly crestfallen Trimble. BJ meanwhile has tweeted to say he’s looking forward to some South African culture. With all due respect to this column’s adopted and favourite player I’m struggling to think of single aspect of SA that could be labelled culture. Answers on a postage stamp please.

Pre Season Optimo

Tales of animal husbandry, animal band aid and caring players is a heartening sign of the team bonding and maturing and gives me cause for optimism for next season. Alright the past season is barely finished and usually optimism builds round about late July, early August. Growing optimism in post season leaves plenty of free time for my bubble to burst early. Nevertheless several clouds are scuttling across an otherwise clear blue sky, with blue being the optimum colour of the moment following clear but unsubstantiated rumours surrounding the imminent transfer of Xavier Rush from the blue of Cardiff to the white of Ulster.

The rumours fuelled apparently in a chip shop, that most combustible of places, are growing in intensity with me having received a friend of a friend type piece of information which makes me think there is some truth in other tibits of information being peddled on the internet. Whilst not entirely washing away my post/pre season optimo it would nevertheless spell out a bad message about Ulster and how they are viewed by other teams where Rush to abandon relocation to the blue skies of Ulster. The message would be that Ulster can be messed about and subsequent negotiations with players, as was already signalled with the Boss fiasco, would be at the entire behest of players with agendas well beyond playing for the team of their choice. We have already seen some players using Ulster as a bargaining tool.

I have just heard that UR confirmed the Rush rumours of abandonment of Ulster blue sklies are untrue. I shall wait until I see him in an Ulster shirt trotting out at Ravenhill before my doubts are finally quelled. That is still the position after this afternoon’s game against Toulon where JW’s exit coincided with Toulon’s collapse.

As BJ Botha tweeted: Last session of the season today done! See all you Ulster supporters next season for a massive one!


6 responses to “The Ulster Lamb!”

  1. Flat-top

    Top night again Dewi, many thanks for all your efforts. I thought the venue was excellent and both Sue and I thoroughly enjoyed ourselves though I think for her it was something to do with the Ulster Players being there.

    Parky, I’m a 40 something old man and so you don’t think I actually get to choose what to wear do you!!!! On the other hand it isn’t really that hard to look over dressed next to you culchies. Good to catch up matey.

    Dergman, you haven’t lost your award I put it back in Dewi’s kit-bag for safe keeping as I could tell that Mssrs Artois were never going to allow that to make it all the way home and I know Stef will have cleared a place on the mantle for it.

  2. glynncommando

    Fantastic evening Dewi – yet again. Thanks for the invitation – and thanks for all your hard work. Ps. No pics yet???

  3. junty

    It was a good night. Well done to the organising committee mr editor!

  4. Ballpark

    Well that clears that one up then, it was Msr. Artois, the ole devil.

    1. johnny king

      Yes, my loud interjection was as a result of Monsieur Stella next to me conducting an impromptu physics experiment testing the reaction of facial tissue when in collision with a high-velocity mobile phone. Ouch.

  5. dergman

    I’d like to categoricallly state that no heckling from the stripey shirted one was directed towards the esteemed Mr Barnes but my perhaps my mate Monsieur Stella Artois had something to say!Finishing so far down the predictions league, that’s what happens when you let your 18 month daughter make the selections!!!!
    Lastly, cheers dewi, a great night and special thanks to whoever poured me into a taxi to get home

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