An Offbeat Prediction League of One!

,

You may say I’m a a dreamer, but I’m not the only one,

I hope some day you’ll join me …

In an offbeat moment I dreamed I was in a Prediction League of my own and tipped an Ulster win with a bonus point for 4 tries against Leinster this Saturday. In ‘fact’ I saw a whole mob of Ulstermen wearing rose tinted shades and spouting ‘we are brill’ slogans, happily predicting this very scenario. I’m not part of them, in fact I was rather relieved to find it was all a dream but it made me stoop to closer inspection and some statistical analysis.

The most glaring statistic that darkened my sunglasses was the one which says Ulster have only beaten Leinster once in 12 games, either home or away. Some of those games have me choking into my Stella Artois and Reggiano Rosso at the memory and disappointment of it all.

In fact were one to really dredge the dregs of my mangled memory and serve up a win, one can only think of a 29 all or was it a 28 all draw at Ravenhill many aeons ago. A game I listened to on the radio on the way home from a function and which by all accounts we were lucky to get the draw. So a draw isn’t a win, yes I know but it’s better than some of the losses I recall such as the Rolland refereed game at Donnybrook which featured a penalty count in the region of 36-9 against Ulster and a 9 points to 6 (or was it 3?) win for Leinster, all played in sodden rain.

Grate!!!

In fact rain seems to be a feature of these fixtures no matter what time of the year they play them as one shudders at the thought of the Leinster 6-3 victory at Ravenhill in recent times featuring the incredible windshield known as Ollie Le ‘burger king’ Roux and the trench warfare at the Aquinas end that made the Somme look like a 100 metre sprint.  Of course there was last year at the RDS when the ‘unforgiven’ lost back row cover after 60 minutes and proceeded to wave attackers through as though he were the Helen in the Trojan horse. Perhaps that might have been the very same horse that broke the committees back and temper as Matt Williams, was ultimately dismissed as Ulster coach. He refused to play the now bearded one, for the rest of the season, such was his disappointment at watching a fly half impersonate a turnstile.

Well castaway lookalike mini Humph, remains very much the mainstay of the Ulster game, whilst coach Williams sulks into his tequila sunrise on Sydney beach, such is the vagaries of careers on the sporting plains of South Belfast. That’s the bad news and I honestly can’t remember any good or the game Ulster won. The Mexicans have the Indian sign on us if you know what I mean, so it’s not impossible to dream but its well nigh impossible to ignore reality and winning sequences which rarely deviate. So the heed says loss and the heart pleads for a win, any win will do of course as we Ulsterians have learned, a very hard way, how to lower our ambitions.

To mainline on some optimism I would venture that winning sequences are there to be broken and dreams here to be realised.  The teams are announced and both suffer cuts in the starting line up of the player kind with Ulster without their captain, as are Leinster.   So playing ways it looks even-stevens with Leinster’s mindset key as they showed last week how to go away and win a match in France, a feat that so far eludes Ulster. It’s a 1st v 2nd match in the Magners which was an unlikely scenario when you consider Ulster’s position last year even at this early stage.

Perhaps I’ll hedge my bets on who’s got the best team before the match starts and predict that we’ll have the most supporters and we’ll make the most noise, for 70 minutes of the game at least! The weather has been subject of much ‘hurricane’ type speculation depending on whose weather website you visit or weather girl you listen to. I guess I’ll just have to pick one and stand by her, say, Cecilia Daly on the Beeb. See what she predicts and be pleasantly surprised when she gets it all wrong. My prediction on the weather is much like the one for the match, locked away somewhere for fear of ridicule.

Looking forward to seeing our colourful Mexican friends and perhaps Leo the lion will go easy on Sparky this year though I hear Sparks has been practicing his jujitsu and the art of frightening your opponent without actually touching him. Given the rampant noise of our support we will just have to anticipate Sparky’s hand signals and witness Leo cower in lonely corner of the pitch.

Oh and I almost forgot referees make predictions harder again and I imagine we may well get Mr. Clancy who is none too popular with Barf supporters but who at least won’t penalise us 36 penalties to 9 (here’s hoping anyway) though I see a certain Mr. Caldwell has been selected, so expect at least one or two car crashes in the vicinity of a ruck from which we’ll give way a few 3 pointers.   So for now, the waiting game before the rugby game and the blame game after the rugby game.  If we’re going to torch our Leinster hoodoo and wipe away all those memories of horrifying wet weather attritional rugby, then we may as well start tomorrow evening.


As BJ Botha remarked the other day, ‘c’mon Ulster!’


6 responses to “An Offbeat Prediction League of One!”

  1. Ballpark

    I recall this incident you recall where the guy in question was called away by mobile phone to answer his bruv in laws call for his tickets as the in(out)-law was waiting outside the gate for them and called the guy so he could get in to see the match!

    Since that incident I’m led to believe the guy in question has been suspicious of women with pointy shoes sticking out from under thier jeans!! Not too sure why though, perhaps our readers might be able to pontificate on this!!

    I understand nobody died!

    PS: Victor Costello retired/ Roger Wilson’s still playing and underrated!

    1. Tighthead Prod

      ‘Victor Costello retired/ Roger Wilson’s still playing and underrated!’

      Parky – On ‘his day’ Roger Wilson was a great player, alas, he had too many poor or unremarkable days, but then what would I know ??

      Regards THP

      any chance of another Mexican stand off tomorrow night??

      1. I would remind you that Roger Wilson was the only player to win The FRU Player of the Year twice.

        A tremendous player in my opinion and a great servant to Ulster. He was one of the first to 100 Ulster caps.

        I wonder if CKav is going to be in the Rosie tomorrow afternoon?

        1. Gary Grousebeater

          I remember the CKav incident very well. What amazed me was Parky’s incredible intuition when he suddenly answered his mobile phone before it actually rang. Also remember the Leinster lady’s bare midriff for some reason.

        2. Ballpark

          “I wonder if CKav is going to be in the Rosie tomorrow afternoon?”

          Can you fix it for mae Jimmy? I twill be in attendance at this fine establisherment twomorror!

          I agree Roger Wilson was a fine player but always felt his back row work was to fill the void left by under grafting second rows with the result he did the unglamorous work others should have been doing.

  2. Tighthead Prod

    Parky, Ulster’s poor record against Leinster on the rugby field pales into insignificance when compared with the alleged cowardice of a certain messageboard Leg end on the Old Irish Rugby messageboard, when he was faced with the prospect of a face to face encounter with a certain Lady Leinster Supporter. Ring and bells ???

    Not sure which match it was, but remember Roger Wilson completely dominating ( rugby wise, for the avoidance of any doubt Dewi) Victor Costello at Ravenhill one afternoon. Roger made so many yards breaking off the back of the scrum that day that I thought it he was sure to become an Ireland regular. Sadly his form dipped significantly.

Corrections, comments or questions?

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.